Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
