Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize