If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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