eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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