my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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