It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
