I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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