yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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