I wannas sexs uuuuu
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize