it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
