RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
