i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just gift wrapped bread.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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