So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
