Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
