just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
