i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
