so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize