Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
