On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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