i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
