Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
