It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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