I heard we made out
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
