Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
