it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did i walk over a car last night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
