When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
