just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
