Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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