I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
