Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
