Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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