rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
