We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
