woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
