I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
