Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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