i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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