I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
