I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
