I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
