I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
