I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
