Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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