Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
