1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
