All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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