Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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