Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
