you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize