Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
