Screwed.edu
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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