Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she smelled like a LAN party
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
