There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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