I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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