I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
