pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
