her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
