true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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