I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
