And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
