i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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