Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
