The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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