It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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