and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
