In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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