Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
