mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
