maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
