he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
