I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am available for nakedness
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
