You're a womanizer and a bitch.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
