it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
