dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
