Soap is not a condiment
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
