If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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