Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
