the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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