Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
