I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
