I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
