so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
