I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
