well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish my penis had a tongue
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
