Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
