i already hear my dad disowning me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
