On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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