You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
