what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
