Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
