remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
