I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
